SerenaObhrai.com

this is so not tre cool. the fucking train and bus drivers are all trying to strike on a day where everyone in school relies on them to get to the school and set up for the performance in the evening. what a day to choose! what a damn day to choose! :/ it’s past midnight and there has been no decision, and the mayor is all “keep your fingers crossed new yorkers”. and you can only carpool below 96th if you have 4 people in the car. how stupid is this? i need to be at 14th!

i’m gonna start walking now from queens…

performance is tomoro night… /me quivers. tomoro day is all about preperation and rehearsals in the actual theatre. i open the night also, with my scene partner, so i’m pretty goddamn nervous, but stupidly excited also. i have two crazily painful lumps in my neck (both of which appeared sometime between last night and this evening) – which i hope are due to stress and not gonna kill me or anything. might cover them up with a plaster or something – i’m a bum after all, i can look like a cripple and it only helps me to get into character i am going to perform tomoro even if it kills me to do so!

got some last minute costume things to prepare and then i’m set and gonna hit the sack. didn’t sleep a wink last night, scared myself somehow, thinking there was a deranged man at my door and out my window (god knows how he made it to both) coming in to get me. was quite cold and pretty damn scared, i tells you. i think that’s how i got the lumps – they could be stress related. all the while i thought i was dreaming. maybe i was? pah.

i was sleeping good also these past few weeks, but the stress of the performance this week and last week brought back my insomnia. i am pretty damn tired. my face also has suffered – got little red patches and spots on my cheeks. arg! who knew performing live would make this happen – it didn’t happen the last time!

anyhoos, going to sort stuff out… then sleep a much needed sleep. i leave you with a samuel beckett quote:

“Try. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

so, doctor has no idea what’s wrong with my back… he says my spine is just a little twisted and he can see no problems with my x-rays. mary (my movement teacher) says i should take my x-rays to an orthopaedist… she’s all worried, aww

i cracked quite a funny joke today in acting for film about fawlty towers and faulty tapes (an old one my mum said once by accident) and no one laughed. the room was dead, and everyone stared at me. now, this was because i was being filmed at the time… oh my, the embarrasment… the yanks know very little about british humour! *cry* and they call themselves actors. pah.

so, our performance looms closer; in fact, it’s in 8 days! i’m actually very excited at this point. we’ll see how it goes, and of course i’ll keep you updated. should have all my manhattan buddies attending it, so that should be gewd thank god for samuel beckett!

xx

so, yeh, we got snow /me dances.

phoned the docs on thursay and friday, twice each day, to see if they had my xrays and they said no. they said on thursday that they’ll have them for friday anf when i called on friday they said the xray place still has them because their computers went down and they haven’t been able to look at them properly. sigh. i’ll call back monday, i guess.

managed to spend friday night drinking for about 14 hours straight with friends, and spent only $14! and two of the drinks i bought weren’t even for me. i had about 6 drinks bought for me by complete strangers, the rest were by friends randomly, and i did two tequila and tabasco shots with a barman (who some of my friends knew). all in all, a good night

so, i had my xrays on monday. doctor said call him 3 days later – which i assume to mean that’s when he’ll get them. i called today (wednesday) cos i got impatient, but receptionist said call in the morning and she’ll call the radiology department to find out where they went. the back pain is affecting school, my sleep, my temper, my scenes with other people and my general movement. i’ve seriously had enough. on the xray day the woman said she wanted to do more because “it didn’t look pretty and that the bones weren’t in the right places”. now, that freaked me out (i’m already in only my knickers because i had to put on a robe and am laying on a metal table in some awkward position… i just felt defeated and humiliated), and i had nothing left in me to ask her more questions. so that either means my back is messed up or her xrays didn’t come out right. i don’t really know what to think or feel at the moment…

i had a panic attack on sunday night and luckily i had a friend staying over to get me my meds. i can’t take the muscle relaxants in the day because they make me drowsy and i fall asleep, so i stopped taking them, but that night my back just seized up. all the muscles from the top of my neck down to my coxis had seized around the spine and i couldn’t move. i have no idea what i did to make that happen, but it lasted about an hour, and i was in serious pain. i had to shout for my friend to get me my muscle relaxants and water cos i couldn’t move. now, that’s like the second or third time that’s happened in the last 3 years, so i dunno what to think. but it hurt like hell, and i just panicked afterwards and just cried. sigh. it’d be nice if it was just my hand that hurt or something, instead of something like my back that affects everything. grr. so, yeh, things are a bit slow at the moment.

i can’t jump around anymore or move very much. in one of my classes today jordan walked in late, and we were sat in a circle (improv class) and he just tapped me on the back for me to move over so he could squeeze in and it just hurt. later, as if he didn’t already cause me enough damage (this is during the mimic round where you imitate everything one person in the circle does), avinash waves his arms about (we’re all copying him) and then slaps the back of his fellow neighbour. and, yes, you guessed it. jordan smacks my back right in the centre where it hurts, and i just yelled. it was quite a funny moment looking back on it now, but at the time i just wanted to break his neck! haha

so, everyne’s geared up for christmas already over here. it’s been like this for a few weeks now, as soon as halloween ended, the chrisrmas decor went up. we have a christmas tree which is all spangly and sparkly (i think it’s like 6-8 feet and all REAL!), and i’m yet to add the angel on the top – that’ll be my addition – but, haven’t found a nice one yet. it hasn’t started snowing yet, and today was a crazily warm day for winter, so hopefully the weather gets its arse in gear and gives me snow!

ok well time to get some kip, got schooly tomoro.

sleep tight you wonderful people.

-xxxxx-