‘You will become a different person’.
I read the same line over and over again. ‘You will become…’ As if I’ve already started my poignant modification. I wonder what’s going to happen to change it. How many other people will I become before I get to the one this is talking about? A different person. Hmm. It suggests I’m no longer going to be me. But, I’ve been me for my whole life! How can that possibly change? It doesn’t even say a facet of me will change – just says I’m going to be different. How does it know? Where are the books that it’s been reading that I haven’t discovered yet? I mean, I’ve spent a long time making me, me. I don’t really want to change now. Hours and hours of endless pondering and pontificating to create the perfect me. And now it’s all going to end? Fat chance. I’m going to fight you – show you exactly who’s boss! I’m in charge of me. I am. Not you, you slanderer!
And what kind of time-frame do I have? Huh? When is this fabled change supposed to occur? Today? Next week? And if I do change I’m assuming it’ll be in my usual untimely fashion, so will that make me ‘so last Tuesday’? I’m not having it, sorry. You can take your judgemental attitude and stick it where none of that light-stuff happens. I took lots of time and hard work to create this thing you see before you and I honestly don’t think you have the authority to will it to change.
Yeah, that’s a point. How are you going to change me anyway? Magic? Know the son of god’s dad, do you? Or perhaps you’re just of the extra, super-charged variety where you can telepathise (too right I made that word up) exactly what’s going to happen to me before that twinkle in my eye does? What gives you the right to bear this kind of news to me, anyway? Let’s turn the tables for a second. I envisage you becoming very stupid and falling over. You’ll then just keep hitting your head every time you tell someone what you think is going to happen to them. Hah, see how you like it! Stupid fortune cookie.
